Why pheasants are The Worst Thing Ever.
By Brandon Stanbury
In my experience, as I'm sure the title of this article gives away, I have managed to grow a disliking of pheasants. In my defence, my feeling towards them as a species is one-hundred percent their fault. In the coming article, i will do my best to give you a completely non-bias view, while also going to great lengths to convince you that pheasants are the worst thing to happen to the British countryside. I understand this is a controversial topic so I am to be clear yet sensitive when making my points.
Pheasants are lazy.
Pheasants are so frustratingly lazy. I don't know if you have eve been driving or at least been in a car while a 'high and mighty' pheasant is strolling down the road and decides it has the right of way, and just continues walking until you're about to hit them and then it jumps out of the way? Well, this is my life, every day on the back roads to and from my house. To make matters worse I decided to do a slight amount of research and stumbled upon some troubling information: pheasants can actually be capable of running between 8 and 10 miles per hour, or, they can fly at up to 35 miles per hour. This tells us that pheasants choose to walk slowly in the centre of our roads either out of pure spite, or maybe they just like torturing people who just wish to pass by. They don't even have to be on our roads or land of any kind, as pheasants can also swim!
Pheasants are criminals and thieves.
Another reasons I choose to defile the otherwise indisputably dull name of the pheasant is because they choose to steal from farmers by ravaging their crops. Farmers who are the backbone of our country, who have to wake up before sunrise and tend to their fields, also have to deal with the completely unnecessary task of fending off the incredibly selfish creatures that are pheasants, whom make it their business to steal from the self-employed struggling farmers. The other thing that they are guilty of stealing is all of this time that I myself am putting into spreading awareness of the duplicitous monstrosity that is their behaviour.
They return nothing to society.
Not only do they return nothing to society, as far as I've been able to determine, but as a final reason everyone should agree with me on pheasants, is that they also keep trudging through my garden (as if they own the whole place) and around the side as they make their way to the field behind it. The seem to think they have the right to trespass on private land because they are seemingly the world's most narcissistic bird ever to live.
To conclude the various arguments already made, I hope you take with you a valid understanding of why pheasants are so terrible for and to this planet earth, and that all the do is take and give nothing in return. Selfishness truly is their first and only nature.
Now, believe me, if you think pheasants are bad, you mustn't get me started on the common disease spreading fly, as they whizz around my room with no motivation other than hatred.
By Brandon Stanbury
In my experience, as I'm sure the title of this article gives away, I have managed to grow a disliking of pheasants. In my defence, my feeling towards them as a species is one-hundred percent their fault. In the coming article, i will do my best to give you a completely non-bias view, while also going to great lengths to convince you that pheasants are the worst thing to happen to the British countryside. I understand this is a controversial topic so I am to be clear yet sensitive when making my points.
Pheasants are lazy.
Pheasants are so frustratingly lazy. I don't know if you have eve been driving or at least been in a car while a 'high and mighty' pheasant is strolling down the road and decides it has the right of way, and just continues walking until you're about to hit them and then it jumps out of the way? Well, this is my life, every day on the back roads to and from my house. To make matters worse I decided to do a slight amount of research and stumbled upon some troubling information: pheasants can actually be capable of running between 8 and 10 miles per hour, or, they can fly at up to 35 miles per hour. This tells us that pheasants choose to walk slowly in the centre of our roads either out of pure spite, or maybe they just like torturing people who just wish to pass by. They don't even have to be on our roads or land of any kind, as pheasants can also swim!
Pheasants are criminals and thieves.
Another reasons I choose to defile the otherwise indisputably dull name of the pheasant is because they choose to steal from farmers by ravaging their crops. Farmers who are the backbone of our country, who have to wake up before sunrise and tend to their fields, also have to deal with the completely unnecessary task of fending off the incredibly selfish creatures that are pheasants, whom make it their business to steal from the self-employed struggling farmers. The other thing that they are guilty of stealing is all of this time that I myself am putting into spreading awareness of the duplicitous monstrosity that is their behaviour.
They return nothing to society.
Not only do they return nothing to society, as far as I've been able to determine, but as a final reason everyone should agree with me on pheasants, is that they also keep trudging through my garden (as if they own the whole place) and around the side as they make their way to the field behind it. The seem to think they have the right to trespass on private land because they are seemingly the world's most narcissistic bird ever to live.
To conclude the various arguments already made, I hope you take with you a valid understanding of why pheasants are so terrible for and to this planet earth, and that all the do is take and give nothing in return. Selfishness truly is their first and only nature.
Now, believe me, if you think pheasants are bad, you mustn't get me started on the common disease spreading fly, as they whizz around my room with no motivation other than hatred.